the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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