Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
