You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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