My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
