Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
