My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
