we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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