when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
