Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
