I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
