I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
