I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
