Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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