A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
