Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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