I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
