We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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