you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
