My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
