Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
