Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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