mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
