I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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