If that was your dad, he is hot
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
