Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
