we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
