yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
