Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
