What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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