my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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