I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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