Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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