the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
