Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
