I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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