Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
