My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
