Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
