When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
