Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
