i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize