haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I touched a dick in church today
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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