I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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