You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
