Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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