I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
