id be glad to
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
