I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
