so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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