Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
