he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
