Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
