there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize