then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
