I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
