I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
