her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
