remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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