we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
