the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
