my phone needs a breathalizer
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
