Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
