capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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