i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
