So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
