have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
