If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
