You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Where is the hickey?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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