I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
