Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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